


Cinnamon and homemade cookies

by availiable



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alpha Harry, Alpha Liam, Alpha Zayn, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Beta Niall, M/M, Niall-centric, Omega Louis, Pre-hiatus, pre-band without zayn haha, pre-whatever
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-10-28 18:11:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10836639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/availiable/pseuds/availiable
Summary: Niall is the sole beta of the band whereas the others build a four-piece pack. He is content with his life on the road - or at least that's what he tells himself.Or: Niall as the not-so-true beta of the band who lusts after the touch of an alpha.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ellie1217](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellie1217/gifts).



He stands in front of the fans, sweat dripping down his back from the hot and humid temperatures in Arizona. A smile ghosts his lips as he stares at the thousands of fans in front of him, looking like a sea of little lights. They are cheering to every word Louis is saying.

Niall is not able to pick up any of it. His senses are especially strong after concerts, the only thoughts he has are about the alphas and how he wants _need_ _s_ their comfort.

Liam, Harry and Zayn are all standing relatively close to him, sending off alpha pheromones which Niall's inner omega basks in. But their stares only last on Louis, while they pay Niall little to no attention. 

And he understands why, he really does, because he is not their omega. Technically, he is not anyone's omega. He is a _beta, beta, beta_. He is not supposed to feel this way.

He barely registers the fact that the others are leaving stage and only tumbles after them while trying to smile one last time at the fans. He is handed a towel to get rid of the grime and numbly drags it over his hot body.

In the closed room, he can feel the alphas even more and he barely restrains himself from hugging Harry who is standing less than three feet away from him.

Niall can feel his body growing weaker as he tries to fight off his need for the touch of an alpha and goes to the toilet as soon as he has gulped down his water that someone had handed him.

 

As he stares at himself in the mirror, he sees his eye bags and red face. He sees his dull eyes and pale skin. He sees his bulging stomach and chubby arms. He sees ugliness. And he thinks maybe it is not so bad being a beta after all - he does not need to worry about rejection.  


 

*

Niall can once again feel sleepiness creeping on him as he sits next to Zayn in the car. Zayn always calms him the most- he smells like rich spices and herbs. He smells like a well-cooked meal you can never have enough of. He smells like lazy sundays spent in bed with your favourite people around you. He smells like heaven.

After the third time Niall's head accidentally rolls onto Zayn's shoulder because he keeps falling asleep, Zayn turns to him: "It's alright. You can sleep". Niall sleepily smiles at him and is for once not able to resist his inner omega.

And so he falls asleep, amidst the rumble of the car and the smell of happiness in the air.  


 

*

 

The next time Niall wakes up, he is lying alone in a hotel bed, the sheets kicked at his feet. His arms are covered in goosebumps because of the low temperature of the room.

His face is turning a deep shade of red as he remembers how he fell asleep on Zayn's shoulder, such an _omegian_ move. His palms beg in sweating and his nails start biting into his palms from how hard he is keeping his hands in fists.

His thoughts  ar e screaming only one word at him:  _bad._ He c annot believe he ha s let his guard down. And practically  _snuggled_ into a taken alpha. He wonder s whether Louis would be angry at him – he probably  i s.

One look at his phone t ells him it  i s 3:47 am. He quickly shut s down his alarm that was set up for 4 am and  goes to the bathroom, his duffel bag in his hand. 

He avoi ds looking into the mirror as he  is standing in front of it and stare s  at the bottle of pills in his hands. It  i s white and vitamins  a re  _supposed_ to be in there, but the truth  is way uglier. 

The little white pill in his hand look s so innocent but it control s his whole life.

He put s it in his mouth and flush es it down with some cold water. It settle s uneasily in his stomach, a queasy feeling making its presence like every time he swallows a pill.

Niall ha s to take the  _vitamins_ exactly every 24 hours and since he started with  noon  back in Mullingar, he has to wake up during the night while staying in America.

But he d oes not really mind because sleep usually d oes not come easily either way, his thoughts too occupied with how he  is harming his body.

He guesses ye sterday has been an exception because he has been overly tired the last few days. Tour is taking its toll on him – or rather  having the constant presence of  _alphas_ near him without being able to touch them.

 

As he sits  down on his bed again, he feels more awake than the last few days. Sighing, he searches for the TV remote and randomly chooses a channel without really paying attention to it.

His hands are fidgety and he cannot keep his attention on anything; he is restless. He thinks about texting one of the boys to see whether they are up but decides against it – he knows where he is not wanted. 

He picks up as his phone and is met with a blank screen, nobody bothered to text him (who would?). A sigh leaves his lips as he stares at the TV screen – a show he does not recognise is playing.

He thinks back to last night and wonders who carried him to his bed – embarrassment filling him once again. _This must not happen again_ , he tells himself and instinctively starts scratching his arms. It does not matter how hard he is trying, he knows that his inner omega will never truly leave and beats himself up for it – he has had over three years of practice and should be able to conceal himself better.

His thoughts are stressing himself so much that tears begin leaking from his eyes. He is a beta, god damn it, he should be able to act like one. His thighs are scratched so hard he is leaving the familiar white lines on them which turn a deep shade of red after some seconds.

 

It's only after an hour that he is able to fall asleep again, a bit blood staining the sheets around him.

 


	2. Chapter Two

The first thing Niall hears is the pounding at the door and a voice calling for him, “Niall? Can I come in?” He recognises Liam.

 

With frantic eyes he notices the blood stains next to him on the bed and immediately covers them with a bit of his blanket. “Y-yeah,” he calls back with his voice wavering.

 

He tells himself to calm down because Liam is going to smell the fear radiating from him. As the door gets opened, he plasters a smile on his face although he does not feel happy at all.

 

“Hey Li,” he greets him and tries to calm his racing heart. He hopes Liam does not smell the blood on the bed and desperately wishes he does not come near him.

 

“Why are you here?” He does not want to be rude to Liam but nobody usually visits him when they are in their hotel rooms. Pack time is far more important than him.

 

He can see the redness creeping up on Liam's neck. “Um,” he says as he scratches his neck. “Louis asked for you. Wanted to eat together as a band.”

 

Niall tries not to scoff but his face still twitches a bit. _Of course_ Louis would be the one asking for him, not the alphas. Sometimes Niall thinks Louis is the only one in the band that likes him a bit. He usually never talks with any of the other boys and most of the time it is only about Louis or what he wants.

 

“Yeah, sure,” he says because he does not know what else to reply. He can feel the tension in the room. “Let me just get ready and meet you downstairs.”

 

“Okay,” is the only thing Liam replies. He hovers in the door for another few seconds and then leaves the room.

 

Niall lets out a breath he did not know he was holding.

 

*

 

Fifteen minutes later and Niall slowly makes his way downstairs to the dining room to eat some breakfast. He sees a lot of the crew members already sitting at tables and eating at kindly shoots tentative smiles in their directions.

 

He grabs himself some plain cereal with milk and looks around the room, trying to find a seat. 

 

Suddenly he sees Louis waving his arms at him and motioning for him to sit next to him.

 

He gives him a timid smile in return and slowly makes his way over to his _mates._

 

“Hey guys,” he says while sitting down and picking up his spoon. Louis is the only one who answers him, the others are busy staring (and drooling?) at Louis.

 

“Hey Ni,” he says. “Did you sleep well?”

 

“Yeah, as always. And you?”

 

Before Louis has a chance to reply, Zayn is poking Louis' ribs and his laughter echoes in the room. He starts poking Zayn's side while continuously giggling.

 

Niall's question is long forgotten. He tells himself it does not hurt (the ache in his chest tells him otherwise).

 

*

 

Two hours later, all the boys are sitting together on a couch facing a nameless blonde interviewer. Niall is sitting at the very end as usual and feels their heat and happiness next to him.

 

His smile feels put on and wrong – he cannot concentrate on much except for Harry's sweet smell next to him. Whereas omegas tend to have a sweet smell, usually like candy or desserts, alphas have a rather calming and earthy smell like pines or the ocean. Harry though is different – that's why many people find it hard to believe he is an alpha: he smells like freshly baked chocolate cupcakes.

 

Niall's body naturally tries to lean into Harry's while his mind tells him to stop. Through his inner battle, he misses the question thrown at him. He snaps out of his daze when he feels Harry's stare on him.

 

He is thrown off for a second before he is able to focus again. “Excuse me, what? I missed the question.”

 

His dazzling smile brings out a giggle from the interviewer. He ignores the disappointment from the others and the need to scratch himself for misbehaving; after all this feeling is nothing new.

 

*

 

Some excruciating hours later, he is finally on the tour bus again and can relax without being interrupted. The other boys are piling in after him and going straight to the living room area which has always been more theirs than it was ever Niall's.

 

Louis' giggle and Liam's playful growl can be heard all throughout the bus and make his heart ache. Reluctantly, he brings out his phone and headphones and starts listening to some of Ellie Goulding's songs.

 

He quietly curls in to a foetal position and cuddles into Dusty, Louis' stuffed cat. Nowadays, he has it more often than Louis and wondered when he is going to find it out and whether he is going to be mad.

 

It calms him a lot – it carries Louis' sweet and perfume-like smell in it and always manages to make Niall crack a smile because even if he cannot not have the boys, he can bask in their scents and pretend just for a little while that he belongs to them.

 

Before he knows what is happening, he is falling asleep with a smile on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's boring, had no idea how to do this chapter.. sorry.  
> Anyways, thanks for all the lovely comments!
> 
> And: I got tickets for Harry in March in Munich, anybody else? :)


End file.
